How Do You Solve A Problem With A Weevil?
by Totally4Ryo
Summary: The team discovers a new problem with a Weevil. My attempt at crackfic.


Title: How Do You Solve A Problem With A Weevil?  
Rating: PG-13  
Word Count: 5824  
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Gwen  
Disclaimer: Definitely don't own Torchwood. I'm fostering almost everyone 'cause their owners don't know how to take care of them.  
Warning: M/M relationship implied, naughty Weevils  
Thrace Warning Level: 5  
Beta by: bookwrm89 (*HUGS*)  
Notes: It's a little late but this is for Grace_Musica . Happy belated birthday, sweetheart!

* * *

It was during some quiet down time for Torchwood. Things were more quiet than usual, because two of them had not been around for the last few days. Captain Jack Harkness was at a meeting between UNIT and Torchwood that was being held in Scotland at Torchwood Two, and had taken Ianto Jones as his PA. He also knew Ianto would know how to sooth Jack and prevent him from jumping up and throttling someone as those urges usually occurred during such meetings.

The remaining team was glad it was quiet. It gave them time to catch up on some overdue paperwork, and hopefully investigate the alien artifacts that Ianto had left out before he left with Jack.

Currently Toshiko Sato was engrossed in creating a new program based on one she derived from alien tech, while Dr. Owen Harper ran some samples in the autopsy bay. Gwen Cooper was coming down the stairs from using the loo when her mobile rang.

It was her former police partner, PC Andy Davidson, telling her about some bizarre complaints made to the police. Andy had happened to take the latest victim's statement and upon hearing that it was the third similar case, looked into the previous two. It prompted him to call Gwen; having a feeling this was not so much a normal perp as it was more one of Torchwood's spooky-dos.

As Gwen reached the bottom of the stairs, Andy had her attention. "Hold on, Andy," she spoke into her mobile as she quickly made her way across the center of the Hub to stop before her desk. She spared a quick glance over to Toshiko and rolled her eyes, indicating the phone, making the Japanese woman giggle quietly.

"Where was this again, Andy?" Gwen asked. With her mobile cradled between her shoulder and head, her fingers danced across the keyboard, putting in the command to access the CCTV cameras in Bute Park. Her eyes went wider than usual as she had the image in question on the screen. "Ugly person, maybe a mask in a trench coat. Right. Andy, do you mind sending me the info on all the victims? You're right. Torchwood will take this one. Now you just have to handle the other nutters out there."

Toshiko got up to see what Gwen was looking at, while Owen called across the Hub from Autopsy, "Why are we taking police cases again, Gwen?"

Tosh laughed and then covered her mouth with her hand. "Sorry, but…." She dissolved into giggles.

"Three victims already in the last two days. All alive to file the incident with the police," Gwen explained to Toshiko. "Andy is sending me the case files."

"And then we pull up all the footage?" Toshiko asked, sounding very amused.

"We'll have to," Gwen agreed.

"When Jack and teaboy return from Scotland, the last thing I want to explain to our Captain is that PC Cooper decided to turn Torchwood into Cardiff Police's SVU during a dry spell in his absence," Owen stated from Autopsy.

"Oh, Jack would enjoy this one," Toshiko assured the doctor. "Come see for yourself."

"I hope so, because Ianto called and said they were about to board a UNIT helicopter. They'll be home in a few hours." Owen came over to join the two laughing women and peered at the screen. "What the bloody hell is that?" he exclaimed.

"A Weevil gone nutter," Gwen replied and laughed. Her computer chimed, letting her know she had email. "It's the police reports. Tosh, I'll forward it to you so we can both work on obtaining footage."

"What the hell? That's a Weevil in a bloody trench coat!" Owen exclaimed.

"Minus boiler suit," Toshiko added.

"Or any other article of clothing," Gwen concluded.

Owen stared at each woman before his attention went back to the screen. "That means…."

"That we have a flasher Weevil loose in Cardiff," Gwen said, managing not to laugh until she was done speaking. Then both she and Toshiko fell into laughter, Owen joining them.

OoOoOoO

"Tosh, we're almost on location. Please tell me its still around," Gwen spoke into her comm unit. She held on for life as Owen rounded a corner. "Jesus Christ, Owen!" she squeaked. "Is it a Torchwood prerequisite to have maniacal driving skills?" she asked Tosh through the comm.

"I got us there fast, didn't I, darlin'?" Owen asked, annoyed.

"I guess so, Gwen," Tosh replied. "Which is why we hardly ever get to drive the SUV."

Gwen snorted as she opened the door and went around the SUV, looking down the alley Owen had pulled up next to. "I don't see it. Which way, Tosh?"

"Down to the end, turn right and – " Whatever else Tosh was going to say was drowned out by screams.

Gwen and Owen watched as a group of teens ran from the right and across the alley to the left. "Found it," Owen announced.

The two ran down the alley and turned right. They came to a stop when, no more than 10 metres from them, stood a Weevil. Its back was to them and it was wearing a trench coat.

Gwen covered her mouth to keep from giggling aloud.

"Oh, bloody hell," Owen muttered.

The Weevil cocked its head and then turned to face them. Its hands held the coat closed.

Gwen and Owen stood still; ready to go into action if needed. They had all the necessary supplies on them to capture a Weevil and were armed. However, Gwen had this barmy idea of making a peaceful capture. She knew it was unreasonable; after all, it was a Weevil. But Weevils didn't normally flash humans and nothing more. Weevils didn't usually flash anyone before they attacked either.

"So now what?" Owen grumbled as he watched the Weevil study them. The alien was cocking its head from one side to the other, eyes going from Gwen to Owen and back to Gwen. "Remember, Ianto's not back yet, so we can't invite it back to the Hub for tea."

"Shush." Gwen heard Tosh giggle over the comm from where she was tracking them back at the Hub.

With its eyes on Gwen, the Weevil took another stop forward. Owen started to go for the Weevil spray but stopped when Gwen laid a hand on his arm. He glared at Gwen.

"Be ready for an attack, but don't do anything unless it does something first," Gwen said low.

"Right. Attack after your head is ripped off your body. "

"Owen," Gwen warned as the Weevil took another step closer. Gwen took a smaller, tentative step toward the alien. "Hello," she called out, hoping it sounded friendly to the alien. She had to wonder if Weevils knew what a friendly tone sounded like. "That's a nice coat you have there," she continued conversationally as the Weevil slowly shuffled closer to them. "I have a friend with a really impressive coat," she continued, with the lack of anything better to say.

Owen snorted. "Bloody brilliant, Cooper. If Ianto was here, he'd the be one ripping your head off for daring to compare Jack's coat to a trench coat worn by a Weevil."

"Quiet!" Gwen said under her breath. "Jack and Ianto need never know. Unless one of you says something."

"I really need to think hard on what I want to use that blackmail for," Owen said back to her.

"Try it, you sod," Gwen snapped. She suddenly realized that while she verbally sparred with Owen, the Weevil moved until it was only a mere metre from her. As she turned her complete attention to the Weevil, it pulled open its coat and gave her what Owen and Gwen could only assume was supposed to be a big cheesy grin.

Gwen's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped at suddenly being flashed by the Weevil.

"Oi!" Owen cried out, his face also showing shock.

The Weevil nodded its head and pulling the coat closed, turned and ran toward the back end of the alley.

Owen shook himself first and pushed Gwen. "C'mon. Follow it!" He started to run down the alley after the Weevil.

Gwen snapped out of her shock and ran after Owen, hearing Tosh's laughter in her ear. "You should have seen your face, Gwen," Tosh laughed.

"Yeah, but did you get a look at the Weevil's face?" Owen asked between huffs from running. "Want to try to compare Jack's charm-all grin to the Weevil's?"

"That was a grin?" Tosh asked, giggling.

"Sure. Big boy was trying to charm Gwen out of her knickers," Owen commented as he stopped at an older building at the end of the alley.

"Oi! Don't even go there, Owen!" Gwen squawked.

"May I point out that its Owen who noticed enough to call him big boy?" Tosh said, still sounding amused.

"I could say you're right, Tosh, but it wasn't hard to miss," Gwen sighed as she checked the area.

"So was it?" Tosh asked coyly.

"Lalalalala…" was Owen's reply, while Gwen's jaw dropped again.

"Tosh!" Gwen cried out, then she started to smile as the Japanese woman back at the Hub started to laugh. "Any idea where it went?"

"Into the building you're staring at," Tosh replied, "but it's already almost out from the other side."

Gwen and Owen stared at the building, studying the windows and a back door. "Don't tell me it opened the door and closed it?" Owen asked.

Gwen shrugged. "Why not? It's also wearing a trench coat." She could not help smirking.

"Guys, hold on. I have Jack on the other frequency," Tosh stated.

"Fine." Gwen turned to Owen. "Shall we go back and try again next time?"

"I say go back and hope Jack and Ianto get it when they go on their Weevil hunting," Owen replied with a wicked grin.

Gwen broke out in laughter. "You're a sneaky one, Owen Harper, you are."

"I take it that's a yes, then?"

"Definite yes," Gwen agreed and turned to start back to the SUV.

OoOoOoO

By the time Gwen and Owen returned to the Hub, Jack was waiting in the boardroom and Ianto was pouring everyone coffee. Owen lifted a hand in vague greeting to Ianto, while Gwen went over to the Welshman.

"The Hub smells normal now," Gwen said with a smile.

"That's what Tosh said before she went to work on whatever it is everyone has been up to," Ianto remarked. He picked up Gwen's usual mug and held it out. "Here. Tosh already grabbed a cup and Jack hasn't been deprived." He made a face. "However, UNIT's coffee is quite the experience."

"Not a good one, yeah?" Gwen asked, amused. She sipped on her coffee, making a little noise of ecstasy. "Rhys thinks its Jack he should be worried about," she said as she watched Ianto lift a serving tray loaded with coffee and treats.

"He shouldn't?" Ianto asked, trying not to smirk.

Gwen shook her head and took another drink of her coffee as she followed Ianto toward the boardroom. "Not at all. He does need to worry about you, though. Especially if Rhys ever heard the sounds your coffee can produce from me."

Ianto laughed. "That could be interesting."

Gwen pushed past Ianto as they approached the stairs leading into the lower level where the boardroom was located and opened the door, holding it for Ianto. "I'm guessing Jack called for a meeting upon our return?" she ventured.

"We do have catching up to do," Ianto remarked as she once again followed him through the cells. Her eyes caught on Janet and she shook her head, trying not to giggle.

The boardroom's door was open and Gwen entered after Ianto. While the younger man started to hand out the coffee and set out the plates with pastries for the team to easily pick, Gwen took her usual seat and looked around.

Tosh and Owen were already seated. Jack was leaning back in his chair, his hands locked before his face. He raised an eyebrow at Ianto when the young man finally settled in his own seat.

"Welcome back, Jack," Gwen greeted. "Did everything go okay?"

Jack shrugged. "It was a meeting with UNIT. The only advantage we had was we had the meeting on Torchwood grounds." He smirked and gazed over to Ianto.

"For a quiet, weird little man, Archie can be frightening when it comes to keeping everyone in line. Not to mention this insane loyalty he has to Torchwood," Ianto replied.

Owen snorted, his head slowly dropping toward the tabletop. When his forehead hit, he started to laugh. "Sounds like someone else we know," he commented, lifting his head to look at Ianto.

Before Ianto had a chance to open his mouth in rebuke, Jack said, "Except Ianto's not so little."

"That was something we really didn't need to know, Jack," Owen grumped as Ianto turned a lovely shade of bright pink.

Jack winked at Ianto. "I have your back, Ianto."

"So why do I need enemies?" Ianto sighed.

"Okay, so there's not really much to discuss about our meeting. We managed to convince UNIT that they don't have to get their hands on our stores unless we decide to. In exchange, we can call in assistance from UNIT. Again, only if we need." He grinned in Ianto's direction, while the Welshman sipped his coffee, pretending to ignore Jack. "We have not only Archie to thank for that little twist of General Roccer's mind, but our own brilliant and quiet Ianto Jones."

"It was no big deal, sir," Ianto said with a shrug.

Jack reached for one of the pastries they had brought back with them from Scotland and shoved half of it in his mouth. "That you both did it with hardly any effort at all," he said with his mouth full, "is truly terrifying." He winked and grinned again.

Ianto picked up small bound folders and passed them around the table. "The minutes of our meetings, if anyone cares to take the time to read them," he said.

"I suggest you do because then there's no need to go on more about it now. It was mostly boring, except watching Ianto work his magic on the poor unsuspecting fools," Jack said, after swallowing the pasty and shoving the other half into his mouth. "Okay, what's been going on around here while we were gone? I notice that the Hub is still in one piece. And I thank you for that."

"We have a new case," Gwen immediately spoke up. She looked over to Tosh, who had copies of the CCTV pictures and the files emailed from Andy.

"Tosh said you two were out Weevil hunting," Jack said, his eyes going to Gwen and then Owen.

"In the literal sense," Owen spoke up. "We were actually hunting down a bloody Weevil." His eyes went to Ianto and then fixed on Jack. "Unlike some people around here."

"If you were hunting down a Weevil, then where is it?" Ianto asked. "When Jack and I do actual Weevil hunting, we usually return with a Weevil to show for it."

Jack smirked and realized Ianto's dig for what it was. "He's right, you two. When we return with no Weevil, then one might say we used Weevil hunting as a euphemism."

Owen glared at Jack.

"We were chasing after a Weevil," Gwen stated, looking appalled that Jack could bring up the past. That was so long ago and long over and she was engaged to Rhys now. She also gave Jack a nasty glare. "And it has to do with our new case." She nodded her head at Tosh, who handed plain manila folders that were not bound like the ones Ianto had handed out to Jack and Ianto.

"It's a Weevil," Jack remarked, seeing the start of the first page. He dropped the folder and rapped his fingers on it as he continued to speak. "So what makes this special enough to earn its own folder?" he asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

Ianto, unlike Jack, did not stop with the first paragraph and continued to quickly scan the page as Jack spoke. He turned the pages, his brows raising slowly until he got to the first CCTV photo. "Oh, shit," Ianto muttered and then started to laugh. "You have got to be kidding me!"

Jack stared over at Ianto and then opened his own folder, flipping through the pages. His jaw dropped when he came to a picture. "What the hell?"

"We have a flasher Weevil," Owen remarked with amusement. "A bloody Weevil in a trench coat and flashing people."

"Any other attacks?" Jack asked, reading through the file.

"No. It just approaches the victims, and opens its coat. And no boiler suit under the coat," Tosh explained. "It doesn't otherwise attack anyone. There have been no injuries reported from any of the encounters."

"Not to say it's not hiding anything under there," Owen added. "Just ask Gwen."

"Sod off!" Gwen snapped.

"I might say that it seems to be extremely well endowed for a Weevil," Owen added. When he realized eyes were on him, he quickly added, "Well, I've seen enough Weevil bollocks during autopsies."

"Jack might want to take out the tape measure," Gwen said, amused. "Because well…"

Gwen ducked her head upon realizing what she said, and drank her coffee. She missed Jack's raised eyebrow as the Captain looked over to a suddenly red-faced Ianto. Tosh caught the exchange and smiled into her coffee, taking a drink to hide the grin.

Jack lifted more of the printed CCTV pictures, studying them with a bizarre fascination. "So we have these people having a face to face with a Weevil," he started.

"I'm not sure it was exactly face to face," Owen cut in amused. "I'd say more face to bollock."

Gwen snickered and Tosh covered her mouth to keep from laughing. Ianto glanced down, but not fast enough to hide his own smirk at the comment.

Jack shook his head for a moment before allowing the slow grin on his face. "If we're going for accuracy, I guess you're right," he said to Owen. "What concerns me are the victims who have seen Weevils."

"The police reports state that all the victims believe it was someone in a costume," Ianto spoke up, reading through the paperwork in the folder before him. "Including under the coat,"

Gwen nodded. "That's right. However, they still feel the costume under the coat was disturbing."

"Can you blame them?" Owen asked. "I find it disturbing every time I have to perform an autopsy on one of those."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever had to get Janet out of her boiler suit? After all, we do strive for good hygiene, or as close to as possible."

"You would think of that," Owen commented, shaking his head.

"It just never came up as an issue when it was your turn to clean out the Weevil cells," Jack stated. "But one day soon, that could change." Before Owen could have a chance to form a comeback, the Captain leaned forward, arms resting on the table. "Do you believe Retcon should be administered?" His eyes went to Gwen, waiting for an answer.

"No," she replied. "Not yet. So far no one seems to believe it was anything more than someone in a costume and an ugly mask."

Jack nodded. "Right. Keep an eye on the victims for a while and first sign of them believing otherwise, you know what needs to be done. Ianto, I want you to also keep an eye on them." He watched as Ianto nodded his head, and then looked around the table. "We need to catch this Weevil. And bring it in alive, if at all possible."

"Isn't that normal?" Gwen asked. "I mean, we only kill Weevils when it's kill or be killed."

"That is true," Jack agreed. "But keep that in mind more than usual. Apparently we have a rogue Weevil who is possibly evolving. And if one Weevil can evolve, then eventually more could. We might possibly get a hint of the Weevil population in the future."

"We're talking Weevils," Owen muttered, "so you're quite possibly talking about a future long after the rest of us are gone."

"Evolution is a tricky thing," Ianto said quickly, seeing the flash of pain in Jack's eyes that the others did not see. Jack didn't like to be reminded of such things and he wanted to get the Captain's mind onto other things. "It can happen over a stretch of decades, even centuries or within a few years. Especially if we're talking about alien strains of DNA within a non-indigenous world." Then he felt all eyes except for Jack's on him, he shrugged. "Torchwood One did studies."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Including using stolen records from here."

Ianto looked amused. "Hardly, Jack. They used only whatever was on shared drives, which on your end did not amount to much, but your predecessors were more open with the sharing. And that's what they based their studies on. I do believe the studies are still on the shared drives."

"New side project then. A little teambuilding exercise," Jack said, mouth twisted into a slight smirk. "Ianto, Owen and Toshiko, update those studies using your own knowledge of Weevils. Report to me periodically on your findings. Now, about our immediate problem. We need to bring that Weevil in as soon as possible."

OoOoOoO

A week and several attempts later, the Weevil was still at large.

"We need a bloody early warning," Owen ranted in Jack's office. "By the time we get the call, the encounter is in the past. Or we get the police report."

Gwen was standing by the translucent map in Jack's office. She had enlisted Ianto's help, who went through a file, giving her locations, hoping to find a pattern that would help them anticipate the Weevil's next appearance.

Meanwhile life at Torchwood went on, Rift spikes sent them out to investigate, alien tech needed to be retrieved and other Weevils needed to be dealt with. During the day the team had been out in the field twice and as it approached 6, Jack sat back in his seat behind his desk and watched his team.

He clapped his hands. "Right, everyone. Quitting time. We'll pick this up again in the morning. Ianto, you're on Weevil alert with me. The rest of you, I expect to see you here usual time tomorrow."

"Assuming the end of the world isn't happening tonight," Owen muttered.

"There's always that possibility," Jack stated, "but I really don't believe it'll be tonight."

"I've always believed the end of the world would be during Owen's watch," Ianto said, completely deadpan. It still caused Gwen and Tosh to laugh, Jack to smile and Owen to mutter curses on his way out of the Hub.

After the others left, Ianto and Jack closed up for the night, directing any Rift alerts to Jack's wrist strap and then they left to eat out before heading for Ianto's flat for the night.

They actually got to enjoy an evening of watching movies and enjoying each other's company. It was in the middle of the night, while Jack drowsed as he watched his young lover sleep next to him when his wriststrap roused them both to being fully awake and heading out of the flat to chase down Weevils that were causing more trouble than the Flasher Weevil.

They split up, Ianto going after one, while Jack tracked down two. Ianto had just dumped his Weevil in the boot of the SUV when Jack reported in, stating he subdued one and was still chasing the other. Ianto noted the location of the Weevil Jack had subdued and got into the SUV, heading for the area.

After having the second Weevil secured, he attempted to contact Jack through the comms. At first Ianto figured the Captain had his hands full with the other Weevil and would contact him when he had a chance. As time went on, Ianto decided to track Jack down, using equipment in the SUV and his own knowledge how to pinpoint on Jack's vortex manipulator.

As he pulled up, he noticed the prone figure on the ground. Ianto quickly got out of the SUV and ran over to Jack, noting he was still dead. He also realized that Jack was not wearing his coat. When Jack finally came gasping back to life, he was more pissed off over losing the coat than getting killed by the Weevil.

CCTV gave them no definite answers to the whereabouts of the coat. There was a vagrant in an alley near by, and general opinion formed was that it was winter, and the homeless man, having encountered Jack's still body, took the coat to have something warm to wear.

Ianto assured Jack they would find the coat. Gwen argued with Ianto that they could not just take what was probably the only warm thing from a homeless person. Ianto coolly raised an eyebrow and simply stated, "I was intending on making a trade. A coat for Jack's coat." His gaze drilled into Gwen's eyes, causing the Welshwoman to nod her head and walk away.

Three days later, while Ianto was monitoring police frequencies he found out what had happened to Jack's coat.

He entered Jack's office. "Jack, I found your coat. Well, almost."

Jack looked up from the paperwork that had his attention until Ianto spoke. "Almost?" he asked.

"We're no longer looking for the vagrant."

"So who now?" Jack asked, trying not to groan.

"You have to be bloody joking me!" Gwen's voice exclaimed across the Hub from her workstation. She stood up and started to make her way to Jack's office.

Ianto smirked as Toshiko and Owen followed her. Before going to talk to Jack, Ianto had sent the report to Gwen's computer.

"What is going on?" Toshiko asked as she entered the office behind Gwen.

Gwen was looking at Ianto, stunned. "Are you kidding?" she asked.

"I didn't file the report," Ianto replied. "I only sent you what I found."

"Ianto!" Jack yelled. "Where is my coat?"

"With the flasher Weevil," Ianto quickly said.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Apparently our rogue Weevil lost his trench coat and replaced it with yours," Ianto added.

"What?"

Gwen took a step forward. "At least it seems so. Ianto found another report on our flasher, and the victim's description of the coat matched your coat." She stood next to Ianto.

Jack blinked, seeming at the moment lost for words. Not something that happened often for Jack Harkness.

"All we have to do is find the Weevil, and we also find your coat, Jack," Gwen continued.

Ianto and Tosh shared a look as Owen opened his mouth to speak. "Except for one little problem there, Cooper," Owen said.

Jack stood up, slamming his hands on the desk. "We can't seem to catch the damn Weevil." Angry eyes fixed on Gwen. "If it was that easy, we'd have that Weevil here wouldn't we?"

Ianto took a deep breath. At first he was going to point out the same thing to Gwen but as Jack ranted, he realized he changed his mind. "It might make it easier now," he pointed out.

Jack's attention was now on him. Ianto merely shrugged and continued, "Before we were talking about a plain trench coat. Nothing to distinguish it from all the many others worn out there. Your coat is distinctive. We might have a better chance of tracking our flasher and apprehending it before it disappears again."

Tosh's eyes lit up. "He's right. A Weevil and Jack's coat together should make it easier to triangulate a general area to concentrate our attention."

"Get on it, Tosh," Jack stated. "See if you can develop some sort of image recognition to compare CCTV to."

"I'll get on it, Jack."

"Gwen, monitor the police frequencies for any further attacks." As Gwen acknowledged him, Jack turned to go back to his office.

Ianto traded amused looks with Tosh and Gwen, while Owen shook his head, muttering. Ianto caught his eyes, too. They all were thinking the same thing: Jack wanted his coat more than capturing the rogue Weevil that was causing them as much amusement as frustration in their attempts to catch it.

OoOoOoO

It was the next night, while Jack and Ianto were chasing the usual variety of Weevils. Ianto found himself at the dead-end of an alley and about to call Jack to tell him he'd lost his Weevil and see what Jack's situation. The door to the rundown building next to Ianto opened and a figure in Jack's coat walked into the alley.

Ianto tapped his comm unit. "Jack – Weevil – Coat!"

He heard Jack open his comm, but was quiet a moment. Then, "I'm on my way. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm just having a stare-off with a Weevil in your coat. Oh, God, it's going to need some heavy duty cleaning once we get it back."

He heard the smile in Jack's voice. "I'm sure I'll get it back for wear better than ever. Just remember if he opens the coat, that I can offer you better under it."

"Jack," Ianto groaned, but chuckled.

He heard the sound of someone running and suddenly Jack turned a corner and slowed to a walk. "Hey!" he called out to the Weevil. "Ianto there doesn't appreciate alien species like I can. So why don't you come over here and show me what you've got big boy?"

The Weevil turned to Jack, clenching the coat closed.

"Jack," Ianto chastised into comm. "I think I'm jealous. Or offended. Maybe both."

"Relax," he heard Jack assure him over the comm. "I only want beastie boy there for the coat. You… well, lets get him settled in his new home and I'll tell you everything I want you for."

Ianto found himself smiling. Suddenly the Weevil turned back to Ianto and pulled the coat open; giving what Ianto figured was supposed to be a big grin – something that was not pretty on a Weevil. The Weevil closed the coat and turned to face Jack, who now stood a few feet away.

Ianto knew what to do. When it flashed Jack, Ianto fired the tranquilizer gun at the Weevil. Jack pulled the Weevil Spray from the utility belt around his waist and sprayed the Weevil.

It short order, they had the coat off the unconscious Weevil, had it bound and its head bagged. Ianto followed Jack, who carried the Weevil to the SUV, while Ianto carried Jack's coat.

Back at the Hub, Ianto left Jack to deal with settling in their unusual Weevil, to disappear into the lower levels.

OoOoOoO

"Are you bloody joking me?" Owen asked, sounding amazed.

Both Jack and Ianto shook their head. "No," Jack replied.

"We're quite serious," Ianto stated. "We went back to the building, because it was the same one mentioned in your report for your first encounter with the Weevil."

Gwen and Tosh stared at the photos on Tosh's computer monitor. "So it appears this Weevil was living in the empty building?" Gwen asked.

"It wouldn't be the first time," Jack replied. "Although if not in sewers, Weevils tend to take over basements" He shrugged. "But there's enough evidence to support that at least this Weevil took up residence in that building."

"On the ground floor," Ianto added. "Which was not a flat, but was once a shop."

"A porn shop?" Gwen asked.

Jack's grin was wide. "The posters could have been in better condition, but there were enough of them still on the walls."

"So what you're saying is that our new resident lived in what used to be a porn shop."

"There are posters and pictures about a flasher movie," Jack supplied.

"So the Weevil got it's ideas from… porn?" Owen asked.

Gwen laughed, and Ianto bit his tongue, trading looks with Jack and Tosh.

"Apparently so," Jack finally replied. "I still believe it's the first sign of Weevil evolution."

"Weevil evolution through porn," Ianto muttered. "Just bloody brilliant." He rolled his eyes and made his way to the coffee machine.

The others were also shaking their heads as they went back to work, their minds still on the Weevil, still trying to determine how disturbing a thought it was.

OoOoOoO

Ianto entered the Hub in the afternoon, holding onto a long coat bag, a paper shopping bag in his other hand containing their dinner. He found everyone gathered in Jack's office, watching something on one of Jack's monitors. With a grin, Ianto entered the office. "What's so interesting?"

Jack laughed, leaning back in his chair. "Larry is now flashing Janet with one of Owen's lab coats."

Ianto rolled his eyes, but still walked around the others to stand behind Jack and watch the screen. He had set their dinner on the table by the couch but still held onto his prize. He moved the coat bag around so it hung in front of Jack, the bottom gathering up in the Captain's lap.

Jack's eyes went wide. "Is that?" He looked up at Ianto, his eyes sparkling. "So soon?"

"I told you that you wouldn't have to wait long. I'm sorry for disappearing last night, but I needed to get to work on it in order for me to be able to take it for dry cleaning this morning for the finishing touch. Here you go, Jack. Good as new."

Jack stood up, handing the coat back to Ianto. Ianto removed the bag and the hanger, handing them over to Tosh. Then he held the coat out for Jack to shrug into. Everyone clapped after the long, pleased sigh that came from Jack once the weight of the coat surrounded him.

Jack grinned at Ianto, his eyes twinkling. "Thank you," he said.

Ianto nodded, aware of the others looking at them. "Welcome. Now, I hope everyone is in the mood for Indian, because dinner's waiting by the couch."

With a grin, Ianto watch Tosh, Owen and Gwen shuffled out of the office and toward their dinner.

Jack glanced quickly to assure the others were not in view and leaned closer to Ianto, hugging him with one arm. "Thank you," he said more sincerely. "For everything."

Ianto shook his head. "It's just my way of thanking you for everything." He smiled at Jack.

Jack briefly kissed Ianto's lips. "I never got the chance to tell you everything that keeps me going to you."

"Later tonight?" Ianto asked.

Jack nodded and kissed Ianto again. "We better go," Jack sighed, pulling apart from Ianto as the kiss headed up.

"Yeah. We should. Before I start taking that coat off you, and then some," Ianto agreed.

The shared a look, and together left the office, Jack still wearing his newly returned coat.


End file.
